Don’t get me wrong, I’m no less inspired by the nation’s number one iconic girlfriend than every other woman in this country, but unlike the rest of the world, I’m not grieving over the end of her talk show.
I long ago lost interest in watching the day-to-day broadcasts. Sure, I would still tune in sometimes, but I was no longer a loyal Oprahphile. Was it the celebrity worship that turned me off? Tom Cruise jumping on a couch, Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts plugging their latest movie? Was it the ridiculous makeovers that so clearly weren’t going to work long-term for the victims? After all, didn’t the mountain man with the wild hair and beard go right back to his former self? Was it the browbeating of author James Frey for fabricating anecdotes in “A Million Little Pieces?” And what was that whole issue with Ilyana Vanzant, a spiritual leader and life coach, who had a falling out with the media mogul more than a decade ago? I loved the demonstration of forgiveness on the recently aired show, but did it really take Oprah more than 10 years to get there? Come on…she’s Oprah…forgiveness is the most elementary aspect of emotional maturity.
Emotional maturity is what Oprah is all about. She reached that higher level of humanness in front of all of us over a quarter of a century of television shows. She listens to criticism without putting up defenses. She doesn’t jump to conclusions. Integrity is at her core and long-term relationships are her trademark.
Oprah’s company, Harpo Studios sponsors shows by Dr. Phil, Dr. Oz, Nate Berkus, and Rachel Ray. This fall, Rosie O’Donnell will launch her own talk show on OWN, Winfrey’s cable network. Maria Shriver is reportedly being courted to do another show on OWN, also. Country singer Shania Twain’s docudrama series about her life kicked off last Sunday.
Who doesn’t salivate over the good fortune that rains on Oprah’s inner-circle. When she loves you, you are blessed. That reality dawned on me years ago before she became royalty.
In 1990 I was pregnant with my first son. Six months earlier I had miscarried twins at six weeks, so doctors were taking no chances with this pregnancy. As soon as I began bleeding I was put on bed rest for the duration of the first trimester. That left the tiny public relations firm for which I worked, short-handed. The owner let me go, and I was doomed to nine months of watching Oprah on the couch alone. I began to conspire ways to get on her show. It wasn’t as difficult in those years. Lots of women who wrote letters about a personal issue received invitations. What could I come up with?
I plotted and planned, mulled and pondered. Hmmm…my black sister-in-law—the wife of my then husband’s brother—wouldn’t talk to me. She was miffed over something I’d said three years before and wouldn’t let it go. Maybe Oprah could help us resolve our difficulties. After all, it had racial and relationship overtones. What would play better on the Oprah show? And what about my marriage to a younger man? In those years, relationship experts were touting older women-younger men connections because, they said, there were more women than men in the country. I thought it was a ridiculous idea until I met my children’s father in a graduate school program and fell for him. With our first baby on the way, that year, I was walking the walk.
But the schemes and dreams remained in my head. I never proposed any of them to Harpo Studios while I sat on my couch day after day for those nine months. Still too insecure, I imagined myself on Oprah’s stage with cameras rolling, tongue-tied and panic-stricken. A decade later, after life had thrown me some real curveballs—divorce, death, disappointment— and emboldened me to find my voice, I had some tales to tell. I wrote about them in both obscure and noteworthy publications. Wherever I could publish my essays, I took the opportunity. By then, my sister-in-law and I had become as close as sisters and whatever difficulties we’d had in the past were long forgotten.
My evolution wasn’t consciously orchestrated like Oprah’s. After all, she just had to snap her fingers and spiritual leader Eckhart Tolle was at her doorstep. I was lucky to find a licensed social worker who accepted my health insurance. But somehow I grew more introspective, more honest, and more open about my personal struggles. By keeping tabs on Oprah and her guests, I learned that leading by example could help others find their own path to improved circumstances.
I kept my eye on her even though I seldom tuned in over these last 15 some odd years. She taught me that I could elevate my life—that it wasn’t necessary to accept things as they were if you wanted them to be different. Acceptance of yourself and others was the key to a full and rich life, Oprah told us. She taught me that you could face ugly truths, acknowledge them, take responsibility, and move on. She taught us all by her own openness.
Have I reached her level of self-actualization? Not even close. But I recognize the possibilities. The victories in my life have come in waves over the years. I created a minor platform through writing and reached some goals. I even co-host a cable television show these days. But there’s always another mountain to climb and I’m setting out on a new journey now.
So is Oprah. That’s why I won’t miss her show. It’s done. She’s said everything there is to say and to continue it would negate that which she has represented for the past quarter century. When your show rakes in millions, the pressures to keep going must be intense. But Oprah knows there’s so much more out there for her—acting roles to try out, a network to mold, charities to support—and, once again, she’s demonstrating her willingness to face a truth head on.
Her wave of self-actualization has ebbed, and it’s only a matter of time before it starts flowing again.
Joyce Pellino Crane can be reached at joycepellinocrane@gmail.com. She writes a blog at wordtrope.com/blog.
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